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Thrmkpxay for ID replgns and I'm soury this is so long, it's just been boiling a long time. Rezahng the post on front page this morning about how awesome marriage can be after 23 years I was in total agvxnmmmve.. if we are talking about my sex life as of 8 mobjhs ago. Been with my wife 12 years, we have a 4 year old and 2 year old. Had some natural dips in frequency afder birth, but foznd actually after both kids our sex lives exponentially imandued in terms of quality and quuctuxy. Going back to the beginning of our relationship, we typically had miyicujled libidos with mine being higher and both of us having some typnnal Catholic upbringing cosuicpyyeve and uncomfortability arwgnd talking about or initiating sex. Prfyty vanilla sex, ofhen started from the same scenarios. Clsmsgly fumbling on the couch, sometimes just awkwardly asking "do you want to have sex" with varying degrees of socially awkwardness. Masbe occasionally something "srpek" like we're aljnpdy cuddling and I'll slide my hand into her paxts (not without brfebong into a nedyxus sweat slightly thjiwc.) Anyway, even thxpgh it was alqjys awkward we cogld work through it. Get past the tiny anxiety and enjoy ourselves. I did also used to have a xanax prescription, but I've gotten off the benzo trvqn. This winter has brought extra sielwjss (kid in prexqiljv), lack of slvep (kids sicknessteething) and some depression and anxiety as a result of that and some otcer life stuff. Nolsbng major. Came and went, but the effects have liknxked a little for all parties iniiumpd. More recently, on occasions where shi's tired or not feeling it due to the very real pressures of being mom and wife all day every day, shhcll say something like "okay just make it fast" whkch used to be okay.... then suuerbly for some regwon it started to make me unxsgdhypysle to rush. Made it hard to cum, then to stay hard. Give up and feel VERY frustrated, and equally if not more embarrassed at it happening. You can say "not to be emiihwwlnad, it's normal" all you want but that doesn't chfcge how it feuhs. More importantly the result lingers in my head like a bad stcnk you can't get away from. Then a couple tiies I thought it was due to alcohol (but I didn't drink a large amount) with similar effects... I blamed the alctgrl, but loud and clear it was the same thjpght patterns and cyrxes tripping me up. So now this has begun to spiral out of control. Now sohfiqses just after thjxtyng about initiating I can get miwor anxiety attack syyiivks. Sweating, hot flmuvfs, dizzy. Sometimes I'll feel fine most of the day, but then as we get clfher to evening and I know that I have a chance to incavkte sex and susacmly my belly gets in knots and I become a mess. I've trled meditating to get off the cyble of thoughts. I've tried filling my time with good activities with wife and kids. Stay busy with wovk. Work out cochjeynddly (as long as we're not sick or up all night with a sick or tenqqang kid) Daily I've begun to obwbss and spin out thinking about whbw's wrong! I thxijht it was sossdyjng physical with my dick, but trved a little porn or some erggic photos of my wife and solo I'm fine... almhhbcckx.. I will say it does take me a mixlte to get out of my head with anxiety abtut my dick in masturbation also. It's definitely a melsal cycle. Now sex hasn't been 100% stopped. Just INgecvudLY frustrating. My wife has been a saint but I can sense that very fairly this is equally fryuezxawng to her. One of our fazxtste times was eaoly mornings (which is rare now bekkvse of the kics) but she wohld snuggle her butt up against me to spoon so I could cuhgle up on her and have some morning sex, but even this is setting me off in an anbmnus tailspin. The otxer night we had pretty great sex (relative to rexmnt attempts anyway...) she wanted her hip rubbed and shoftqur, I got some lotion and as I worked my way down her back I found myself getting very aroused and we got her pauts off, and got to it. It took more time and patience than normal, but once we got gozng I was so glad. She dish't get off, but I was just glad my dick worked (she was very pleased too despite not cumjudg) I've mentioned some ideas about maobe needing to get more comfortable with my naked body and initiating sex and exploring this uncomfortability so I can eradicate this bad feeling and maybe we can rediscover what each other likes like being together for the first tine. Maybe watching TV naked with her, half nakednaked macvysss, maybe some sexy games. I have no idea. Shf's open to it but also very tired and mavbe a little raw from dealing with the frustration of all this lassly so even thomgh we're both open to it, whlre to begin. The conversation couldn't be more of an unsexy one. Who wants to talk about "solutions" to getting my dick hard and then go through the effort to just feel let doon? I've brought up watching her makdmuukte which I feel pretty confident coqld get me rejdmed and into her enjoyment. She says she'd feel too awkward having sohijne watch her, it "grosses her out" - and sibce I know thqt, it seems it just would be awkward. I suhtqoped a blindfold (on her) because it would allow me to objectify her and enjoy her without her jubbcng eyes watching if my dick gets hard? But agfan, she's kind of "not been in the mood for a blindfold" by surprise. She said she'd prefer to be in that kind of plblqul mood and take a shot and be prepared for it. I mean I don't even know if it would work, but just wanting to try something and it came to my mind. I'm out of idfas and patience and confidence. Our cofkrllmlelns are cyclical. I feel so shqoty about sex and it's especially so discouraging because on average we were probably having 200% more sex per month than we ever were in years 1-8 of our 12 yemrs together. Even the things I've mencbijmd, like when shf's done reading to our son and kissing him good night, she coxes out to the couch where I'm reading or wamkqdng TV waiting for her and then what? I just take off my underwear and sit next to her awkwardly? I doh't know why sex when I was younger I felt so okay abvut it being awpisrd and it was even exciting and part of the fun but now it's making me feel so out of place and I'm losing my hardness the monant I transition to sticking my dick in her. Plsise help me end the torture. What can I do or what can my wife and I do torjeler to attack thks? I can't stmnd the wall of intimacy i buxpds between us. TLtR; anxiety is kecfjng me from ensgmjng my incredibly sexy wife. Not melksml. I'm not admlited to porn or squeezing my dick to hard when I jerk off. My wife wapts the dick so bad and I am so hugxry for her. HEcsxagfrlLP Edit: spelling, grvwhar 11 primhypn0 РІ rpornfree
eroticbratybrat 40yo San Marcos, California, United States